Saturday, July 31, 2010

Guest Blog: Those who can't do, teach.

Today’s Guest list is brought to you by a chap I’m quite fond of . . . Mr. Ryan Glass. Thanks for the contribution, babe!

Things that Anie has Taught Me:
  1. The best way to get your point across is to increase your decibel and flail your hands.
  2. Decibel may also magically make your point more true.
  3. The same person can be great at making chicken dinner, and not-good at making toast.
  4. "Life’s short, talk fast". That's probably quoted, but I thought it was funny, because apparently life is so short, we are required to use contractions, too. And also because the advice is "talk fast" not "get the point".
  5. Sometimes girlie music is actually pretty catchy, in a good way. But when it's not, it's REALLY bad.
  6. Super Mario is great for 1-player. Introduce a second person into the mix and you might have a tussle.
  7. Apparently, sleep....is....GOOD. (I still think Coffee is better)
  8. Pasta Salad is some good stuff! Who knew?!
  9. It is true, a man's stomach is the way to his heart.
  10. It's easy to incorporate more random songs & jigs into your day.
  11. Competitive Slug Bug can raise your anxiety and blood pressure like none other.
  12. Timing is essential. If you're not careful, you might say the wrong thing at the wrong time and you end up with people thinking you're in love with Optimus Prime.
  13. A good Moustache can be a work of art.
  14. There ARE girls who don't think nerdy-ness is a deal-breaker.
  15. DIY Flow-Charts = Fun
  16. When it's right, it just works.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Lights Please!

Dear BlogReaders,
I think we’d all agree that when you move into a new place (no matter how far it is from home) that it takes a while to find your bearings and feel settled. I’m far from achieving either of those things, in part because this specific move is very far from home, but more in part to having the tendency to be a dummy.

Case in point: My last residence was a condo that I lived in for a year and weekly in this condo I would mistake the switch that turned on the kitchen lights for the switch that turned on the garbage disposal. Let me paint you a picture . . . when you get home at night and are standing in a dark room alone and expect the flick of a switch will grant you the ability to SEE but it instead it turns on a VERY LOUD GRUMBLING kitchen appliance this is a recipe for cursing and scaring the bejesus out of yourself! Despite the comedy that you are producing for any peeping-Toms this is NOT FUN.

For my first week living in London I stayed at the Grange City Hotel [“just a gemstone’s throw away from the Tower of London”] and upon arrival it was about 3pm and still very light out. As it turns out, in London summers don’t actually start to get dark until after 9:00pm which made for quite the jetlag / time zone confusion. BTW, a kind German friend also informed me that in the winter this means it will start getting dark about 4pm – right on Europe! But I digress . . .

When it did finally get dark I tried turning on the light switch and nothing happened. So I tried another and nothing, and another and nothing. No bathroom light, no lights near the desk, no lights on the bed stands, absolutely no switches were working. Clearly there must be some sort of master switch that I was missing . . . so I searched and searched and after about 30 minutes was still standing in my hotel room with only the moonlight to help me walk around without stubbing a toe. I wanted to avoid calling the front desk as all costs as I was certain there had to be something very simple I was missing and I really did NOT want to be the dumb American who couldn’t figure out how to turn on the lights. Finally I noticed a small plastic thingy near the door . . . I’m not entirely certain what the thingy is called so I took a picture of it to help you:


I pressed and prodded, and finally the only thing I was able to do was accidently pull the whole front off which was now sitting on the floor. . .oops:


BUT alas! There is a silver button type part behind the front of that plastic thingy and by God I think I’ll press it!


YESSSSSSSSSSS, lights were on all over the place, and the TV, and the air, and I found the magic silver button on the plastic thingy and now I don’t have the be the dumb ass ringing the front desk in the dark. I’m not going to lie I did a jig and patted myself on the back and no sooner was a mid-pat. . . and BAM! All the lights and appliances went off again. WHAAAAA? I pressed this silver button of the plastic thingy – what more can I do!?

I’ll spare you the details of the next 25 minutes I spent trying to find tape or some other way to rig that silver button to stay down until realizing that there was that front piece that had pulled off that was still sitting on the floor. After reattaching it, the “KEY” to keeping the lights on was clear:


How long does it take a dummy to turn and KEEP the lights on in the hotel room of a foreign country? Over an hour. Please be kind and don’t point out how that green arrow should have been my first sign to insert my key card, I swear it wasn’t as obvious in person as it seemingly appears to be in these photos.


Love,
NETheDummy

Monday, July 26, 2010

Whatcha Watching?

I suppose moving over 5,000 miles (over 8,000 kilometers for my new locals) is pretty big deal, and if I knew someone who was in this situation I’d have a lot of important questions for them. First and foremost being . . . what are you watching on TV?!

After just over a week, here are my favorites so far (in no particular order):

1. Dragon’s Den


Admittedly, the BF and I started watching this from home a few months ago, so I was very excited when I discovered new episodes are currently airing in London. The premise has hopeful entrepreneurs pitching their business ideas to the “Dragons” while requesting a monetary investment in exchange for an ownership percentage in the company. It’s amazing what ideas people will come up with!

2. Miranda



This one might be an acquired taste, because for the first minute or so my reaction was “what the hell is this weird shit” but I quickly got sucked in and was laughing my ass off . . . and it’s not just because this particular clip talks about poo, since this isn’t actually the episode I watched. This also further proves that I’m pretty sure I could have my own show if all it takes is the willingness to be a dufus on camera.

3. Don’t Stop Believing


You’ll be hard pressed to turn on the TV in London without seeing a reality show, there are so many it’s hard to keep track, but this one has my attention – It’s singing, it’s dancing, it’s judging, and there’s a Spice Girl!

4. Mock the Week


Making fun of news headlines and pop culture – clearly this is right up my alley! Plus one of the funniest panelists, Russell Howard who is in the blue shirt above, is pretty easy on the eyes.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

One week down, 51 weeks to go.

Dear BlogReaders*

Where do I even begin? Is a heartfelt apology in order because I’ve abandoned you for so long? Is a detailed account of all the letters and lists that I should have written since December required? WOW, December . . . that was over 7 months ago, where the hell does time go? Is this it? Once you’re an adult time just flies by and before you know it you’re staring down the barrel of 29 with 30 looming around the corner sans-husband and sans-kids and sans-house and WOW the 14-year old version of me would be so disappointed! But she was a total pain in the ass who really knew nothing about anything, so let’s not worry about that brat.

I wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted, wrote and deleted, and wrote and deleted the first few sentences of this letter, and I’m still not sure how it morphed into a rant about not being a spring chicken, but I’m not going to delete and write it all over again so we’re just going to roll with it. Obvs, I’m struggling a bit with the best plan of attack to jump back into the ‘ol blog with grace and wit whilst avoiding it all just spewing out in the form of a confusing brain dump that looks a little like this. . .

HOLYSHITILIVEINLONDONNOWBYMYSELFANDMADEITTHROUGHMYFIRSTWEEKBYMYSELFANDICANTBELIVIEVEIHAVETHISONCEINALIFETIMEOPPORTUNITYTHATWILLUNDOUBTABLYCHANGEMYENTIRELIFEEXPERIENCEANDDIDIMENTIONIMDOINGITALLBYMYSELFANDITSHARDANDIMISSRYANANDITSONLYBEENAWEEKBUTHOLYSHITIMINLONDONANDITSAMAZINGANDTHERESSOMUCHTOSEEANDDOANDTHETRAVELANDIMISSMYFRIENDSANDFAMILYANDWILLPEOPLEREALLYCOMEVISITANDAMIFASHIONABLENOUGHTOLIVEHEREITOOKTHETUBEWITHOUTGETTINGLOSTWHICHIFYOUKNOWMEISVERYIMPRESSEIVEANDEVERYONEINTHEOFFICEISASNICEASCANBEANDAMITHEONETHATHASANACCENTNOWANDOHMYGODILIVEINLONDON!

Okay good, that pretty much sums up the train of thought that’s been going full speed in my head for the last 7 days. In case you didn’t catch that, it turns out I live in London now. . . I have the amazing opportunity to work in my company’s London office for the next year and I clearly don’t know how to appropriately find the words to communicate everything that means . . . so I’m not going to try to get it all down in one go. I am however going to try and revive the blog in efforts to try and get down all of the things I am about to encounter over the next 12 months so that one day I can look back and think whoa, I did that?! Holy shit it was fun.

Love,
NEInAYearAbroad

*assuming I still can scrounge some up after being gone for so long.