Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Things that make you say “UGH!”: Part 2

Luckily after I wrote Part 1 I found an episode of The Rachel Zoe Project on the DVR and my mood improved dramatically. BUT as not to disappoint and leave my list unfinished, here are my pet peeves Part 2 . . . starting right where we left off:

5. Not waving when someone lets you in.
I think a manners course should be instituted into driver’s education. One that teaches people (young and old) that the polite thing to do when someone let’s you in, let’s you over, let’s you out, or let’s you-do-anything-you-need-to-by-taking-the-time-to-consciously-break-and-make-way-for-you-and-your-vehicle is to give a little wave acknowledging they just made your life easier. I ALWAYS WAVE. I will go so far as to roll my window down and furiously shake my hand out the window to ensure the other driver sees me and knows that I KNOW that he/she is a lovely person who I appreciate. Do I look like a dufus? Yes. Do I think that’s worse than not waving? NO! I get so mad when people don’t wave, it’s like giving someone a present and in return they do nothing. They don’t say thanks, they don’t look at you, and they don’t even acknowledge that you had anything to do with the new found gift in their lap. It’s like the gift recipient is so cocky and self absorbed that they think they were entitled to the gift, it was something they earned and it’s about time they got it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We’re all in a hurry folks, no more so than when driving. Just put your hand up and WAVE damn it. UGH!

6. Incorrect place settings.

I don’t know who your grandparents are, by mine used to own a restaurant and by golly, I know how to properly set a table! I’m not suggesting that if you don’t set a table that’s an issue. I hardly ever do a proper table setting. BUT when I do get my fancy pants on you better believe everything has a place and everything is in its place! Here’s the issue I have – if you’re going to take the time to set a table you need to do it right otherwise don’t do it at all. Not doing it is a great option to avoid this mess. NO, the fork does not go on the right! YES, it’s important for the blades of the knife to be facing inward towards the plate! Come on people, it’s not that hard. Plus once you learn, it’s like riding a bike and each Thanksgiving when you get table setting duty you’ll be prepared. Otherwise, if you happen to be one of my younger cousins on my mother’s side of the family I will not hesitate to yell at you then make you fix everything one by one. UGH!

7. Bikes that think they’re cars.
Calling all bike riders: If there is a bike lane and you’re using it then you’re a gem*. IF there is a bike lane and you decide to get into regular traffic even during a left hand turn because you’re wearing your spandex and that somehow qualifies you to drive with motorized vehicles then you are a DOUCHE. You are NOT A CAR. You are a BIKE. Why aren’t you driving in the designated bike areas? Why do you insist on getting in the way of traffic? Do you want someone to run into you today? Get out of the way jackass. UGH!

8. Family stick figures.

We’ve all seen these pieces of crap . . . they’re the “cutesy” white decals that go on the back of SUVs, mini-vans, or other family trucksters. They let you know how many people are in the family, if they’re boys, if they’re girls, if they’re cats, if they’re dogs, if they’re ANNOYING AS ALL GET OUT. I cannot stand these decals! Stick figures, flip flops, pieces of poop . . . I don’t care what shape they take, they are awful! I don’t need to know if Jimmy is older than Susie and thereby has a slightly taller figurine. I don’t need to know if your family is comprised of 2 cats and one dog. I don’t need to know if you have 3 boys and only 1 girl. I DON’T CARE . . . yet I’m undoubtedly forced to take a little peek into your family because you’re stuck in front of me during rush hour. It’s hard to say what it is exactly that drives me nuts about these decals, and I’m sure some of the decal owners are very nice people. BUT so help me GOD, if said decaled vehicle driving with its top down windows up, doesn’t know how to merge, has someone’s feet on the dash, and I let them over without so much as a wave. . . I’M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT LIKE A SHIT COLLECTOR WITH AMNESIA. UGH!

*not to be confused with Jem . . . although if riding a bike in a bike lane did somehow make you Jem I would buy myself a Schwinn and go to town! She had killer outfits and THAT WOULD BE THE BEST DAY!

1 comment:

  1. Dang you & The Canadian have a lot in common! #'s 7 & 8 make him go crazy. I would also like to add "people who don't know how to speed up & merge & don't use a blinker." Why should everyone on the freeway slow down & let THEM in??? So I don't. I'll run them right off the road.

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