Well kids it’s official, I’M GETTING OLD. I tried to ignore, avoid, deny, and lie. . . but the fact is I am in indeed [hold your breath] 28. WHOA, that’s harsh to see in black and white.
I know what you’re thinking - “You’re not old, you’re a strong young pup who isn’t even 30 yet!”
I mean obvs I’m nowhere near being over the hill. Frankly I haven’t even started climbing it yet, I’m just chilling at the base with a picnic of watermelon and wine. BUT my watermelon is getting down to the rind and the wine box is almost empty which means I’m not going to be able to avoid this hill of age much longer. In fact, it’s recently come to my attention there are some tell tale signs that I AM OLD. . . and these are television related which means they’re practically written in stone:
1. The Cosby Show is younger than I am.
Did you realize the Cosby Show started in 1984? THE COSBY SHOW . . . think about that. It’s been around as long as you can remember right?! WRONG. It’s only 25, which means it’s just now is enjoying lower insurance rates that I’ve been taking advantage of for 3 years already!
2. Nick At Nite I hate you.
I used to stay up late to catch I Love Lucy on Nick at Nite . . . I would always be stoked to see what type of tomfoolery Lucy would get herself in to. I remember my mom would say “oh I’ve seen this one a million times” when it was all brand new to me. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY SHOW NOW?! The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Home Improvement, Family Matters, and The Nanny just to name a few! I remember watching those shows when they were NEW. I used to record the Nanny of VHS! VH-mother-effing-S! Kids these days have no idea what it’s like to not have a DVR. If shows you used to watch when they were NEW are now on Nick At Nite there’s no way you’re young.
3. My favorite Friends.
I love Friends, I’m obsessed really. I have almost every season and I quote it daily. . . no really, check the title of this blog for just one example. Whilst relaxing up north this weekend (you know, like a granny) I was watching the one where Rachel is trying to impress Joshua (what he doesn’t like Josh? NO, I don’t) by putting on her cheerleading uniform from High School. Silly Rachel I thought, she’s WAY too old for this type of behavior. Do you know how old she was in that episode?! She was a 28 year old cheerleader with a fat lip! That’s MY age, CRAP. At this rate if I keep watching the seasons over and over soon I’ll be older than them. SO NOT ACCEPTABLE.
4. Alex Mack!
Hold on to your butts, you’ll never believe this awesome information I’m about to share with you . . . my dear friend HH’s uncle was the dad on Alex Mack?! I KNOW RIGHT! That is like the coolest degree of separation ever! Or at least it used to be . . . I swear people’s eyes would bug out in jealousy when I shared this info. I remember slugging HH in excitement and yelling “SHUT THE EFF UP” at her when I first hear the news. But now? Now people have no idea what I’m even talking about half the time because they’re too damn young to remember. UGH. I can’t even exert the energy it takes to link you to Alex Mack so you can find out what it is. Frankly, whippersnappers if you don’t know, then you don’t deserve to. Also, turn down that crazy music!
I need to go drink some tea and take a nap now . . . my hip hurts.