Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things that make you say “UGH!”: Part 1

According to the ALWAYS reliable Wikipedia . . . “A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that an individual identifies as particularly annoying to them, to a greater degree than others may find it.” By definition this could really incorporate a wide range of items depending on who you are i.e. Apollo College, VanTrans, saying “get-er-done” just to name a few.

Sometimes pet peeves are reasonable and folks easily understand why they drive you nuts, but other times they’re random and don’t make much sense outside of your own head. You can judge my list to see which category they land in:

1. Top down windows up.
Okay so technically I don’t have a convertible since the plan to obtain my high school dream car never came to fruition. BUT this is one thing that I can’t get on board with. You have your top DOWN but your windows UP. . . WTF? I don’t buy the whole “it keeps the wind off me” bit because if you were someone that didn’t want wind on you THEN YOU’D HAVE YOUR FREAKING TOP UP OR NOT DRIVE A CONVERTIBLE AT ALL. UGH!

2. Feet on the dash.
No, no, no, no this is never okay! As a fellow driver I do NOT want to see your feet up on the dash or worse yet hanging out a window. It’s GROSS and inconsiderate of other drivers’ eyes. I’ve tried turning to check a blind spot only to find a pair of gangly feet chilling on the dash of the car next to me . . . DISGUSTING! FEET BELONG OUT OF SITE WHILST IN A CAR. UGH!

3. Being a dick during a merge.
You know they type. . . they’re the ones who drive up through the median instead of merging like everyone else just to get 1 car further than they would have if they weren’t a DOUCHE. I despise these people because they always get away with it. They put other drivers in a situation where they either have to let the douche in or elect to have the douche hit them because there is now nowhere else to go. DON’T BE A DOUCHE. . . merge one by one just like everyone else on the planet. There is no where you need to be that a 1 car difference is going to make or break you – trust me the Ed Hardy store will still be open when you pull up. To help do my part against these jack asses I will position my car right in the middle of the lane/median area to say GET BACK YOU’RE NOT PASSING ME YOU PIECE OF POO. UGH!

4. Saying “could” care less.
The saying is COULDN’T CARE LESS as in you could NOT care any less. Let’s think about this for a moment . . . when used, the phrase is expressing the amount of care you do NOT have for something. If you COULD care less then obviously you don’t care as little as possible because a lower level of care is available. If you COULDN’T care less that’s the all time lowest amount of care you could give, you’re at the bottom of the care scale, the care has run out, there is no more care to go around, and you so strongly DON’T care for something that you are physically incapable of feeling any lower amount of care than you’re currently experiencing. THAT is a STRONG saying that means something! When you use “could care less” it’s a dumbass saying that means nothing! UGH!

I’m so fired up right now thinking about these things that I can’t go on! I need to go watch some reality TV to make myself feel better about the world. This list is TBC. . .

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Something I'd never thought I'd be writing a letter to

DearMooStaushOnAStick,
I’m in love with you. I need you to be a part of my life! I don’t have words to express how much I want and NEED you! Let’s just look at all the ways you ROCK!

Okay, yes many of these images are from weddings. Don’t get nervous MooStaush, I’m not trying to drop a hint to anyone, I just happen to love parties, weddings, and all fun events by evidence of my blog roll. And you know what would make any event or day more fun?! YOU!

I would like to take this opportunity to issue a fair warning to my future groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, mom, dad, dog, neighbor, roommate, friends, cousins, babies, and basically anyone I get in contact with: I will make you take a picture with a MooStaush On-A-Stick at some point and it will kick ass! Now if only I was related to a photographer . . .

Love,
IHaveAnUnhealthyObsessionWithSayingMooStaush

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Old-A-Lady

Well kids it’s official, I’M GETTING OLD. I tried to ignore, avoid, deny, and lie. . . but the fact is I am in indeed [hold your breath] 28. WHOA, that’s harsh to see in black and white.

I know what you’re thinking - “You’re not old, you’re a strong young pup who isn’t even 30 yet!”

I mean obvs I’m nowhere near being over the hill. Frankly I haven’t even started climbing it yet, I’m just chilling at the base with a picnic of watermelon and wine. BUT my watermelon is getting down to the rind and the wine box is almost empty which means I’m not going to be able to avoid this hill of age much longer. In fact, it’s recently come to my attention there are some tell tale signs that I AM OLD. . . and these are television related which means they’re practically written in stone:
1. The Cosby Show is younger than I am.
Did you realize the Cosby Show started in 1984? THE COSBY SHOW . . . think about that. It’s been around as long as you can remember right?! WRONG. It’s only 25, which means it’s just now is enjoying lower insurance rates that I’ve been taking advantage of for 3 years already!

2. Nick At Nite I hate you.
I used to stay up late to catch I Love Lucy on Nick at Nite . . . I would always be stoked to see what type of tomfoolery Lucy would get herself in to. I remember my mom would say “oh I’ve seen this one a million times” when it was all brand new to me. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY SHOW NOW?! The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Home Improvement, Family Matters, and The Nanny just to name a few! I remember watching those shows when they were NEW. I used to record the Nanny of VHS! VH-mother-effing-S! Kids these days have no idea what it’s like to not have a DVR. If shows you used to watch when they were NEW are now on Nick At Nite there’s no way you’re young.

3. My favorite Friends.
I love Friends, I’m obsessed really. I have almost every season and I quote it daily. . . no really, check the title of this blog for just one example. Whilst relaxing up north this weekend (you know, like a granny) I was watching the one where Rachel is trying to impress Joshua (what he doesn’t like Josh? NO, I don’t) by putting on her cheerleading uniform from High School. Silly Rachel I thought, she’s WAY too old for this type of behavior. Do you know how old she was in that episode?! She was a 28 year old cheerleader with a fat lip! That’s MY age, CRAP. At this rate if I keep watching the seasons over and over soon I’ll be older than them. SO NOT ACCEPTABLE.

4. Alex Mack!
Hold on to your butts, you’ll never believe this awesome information I’m about to share with you . . . my dear friend HH’s uncle was the dad on Alex Mack?! I KNOW RIGHT! That is like the coolest degree of separation ever! Or at least it used to be . . . I swear people’s eyes would bug out in jealousy when I shared this info. I remember slugging HH in excitement and yelling “SHUT THE EFF UP” at her when I first hear the news. But now? Now people have no idea what I’m even talking about half the time because they’re too damn young to remember. UGH. I can’t even exert the energy it takes to link you to Alex Mack so you can find out what it is. Frankly, whippersnappers if you don’t know, then you don’t deserve to. Also, turn down that crazy music!

I need to go drink some tea and take a nap now . . . my hip hurts.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I. AM. THE. CURE.

DearCaptiveBlogReaders,
It’s almost that time of year. . . October is around the corner, and with it comes the 17th Annual Susan G. Komen Phoenix Race for the Cure! This year’s Race takes place on Sunday, October 11th and will once again be held at the State Capitol District in downtown Phoenix.

I am reaching out to you on behalf of the I AM THE CURE sub-committee and we once again need your help on Race day! If you’re interested in being a volunteer (individuals or groups) please leave me a comment with some way to get a hold of you (email is best) and I’d be happy to send you more details! You can also help by forwarding this info on to anyone you may know who’d like to get involved. . . friends, family, co-workers, etc. Better yet, re-post the details (or I AM THE CURE the button to your right) on your blog too!

I look forward to seeing you on Race Day!

Love,
DoingMyPartToBeTheCure

PS - I AM THE CURE is a breast health program from the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure that teaches people simple steps they need to know to take charge of their breast health. It speaks to the importance of early detection and provides simple, action-oriented chants that Race participants can take home and put into action. These chants, and the simple steps that lead to early detection, will come to life as more than a million Komen Race for the Cure participants make I AM THE CURE.® their rallying cry on Race day.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Is that the sound of angels singing?

DearBlogPostThatBroughtTearsToMyEyes,
I think I just figured out what HEAVEN looks like. . .

Thank you to Design*Sponge for this little peak into the world of Studio Choo. You literally took my breath away. . . don’t worry though it was only for a few seconds and I’m back to breathing now. If you really feel the need to send fire fighter's to check me out though, I'm available at work for mouth-to-mouth until 5:30pm today. Otherwise call my cell and I'll let you know where you can find me.

Love,
INeedToVisitTheRibbonerieLikeNow

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Pumpkin LOVE.

Dear Starbucks,
THANK YOU. THIS IS THE BEST DAY!

I heart Pumpkin Spiced Lattes and I’m stoked they’re back in stores! This signifies the beginning of the best time of year where I can find pumpkin flavored everything just about everywhere. HOT DAMN, I’m ready to say PEACE OUT to summer and HELLO to fall. Woot!

Love,
IfItWasn’tFrownedUponIdEatPumpkinPieForEveryMeal