One would think when you live with someone you see them all the time . . . one could not be more wrong in thinking this. One could try . . . but they would not be successful.
When you’re a mover and shaker having a plethora of time with your roomie is rare. Between time out of town, time with family, time with boys, time house sitting, time at bars, time on blogs, time at work, time with friends, time planning events, and finally figuring out time to sleep . . . LL and I are just plum out of time! Hence, when a night comes along that we’re finally both around it’s something to take advantage of . . .last night we did just that and here’s what transpired:
1. I walked in later than expected and LL yelled at me because she was waiting. I maintain she didn’t mind the wait since it gave her a chance to catch up with the DVR.
2. I got stuck in the bathroom sans toilet paper and LL took advantage of the sitch by doing a dance with the toilet paper in the hall just out of my reach. This was less than enjoyable.
3. I rushed to change so we could leave and LL turned the tables so I had to wait 18 minutes whilst she finished watching “Rescue Me” further proving I was right with my assumption in #1.
4. We finally left and headed to the mall for some retail therapy. Please note – I use the term “mall” loosely here as we did not go to a socially acceptable place of retail. We went to Fiesta Mall which is disgusting. BUT it has a Forever 21 in it, so that’s how we’re able to justify the trip.
5. We didn’t get further than the parking lot before realizing why we don’t partake in this mall often. It stinks, the people are funky, it’s like a rap show in the parking lot, and there was a jungle gym outside with ratty kids on it. I prefer my shopping without snotty rug rats please.*
6. Clearly we made a BEE-line to 21 so LL could focus on finding an outfit that says “I’m hot, but not skanky.” Which also communicated “I love cardigans, but I’m not a grandma” and finally “I’m not just a hookup, but let’s hookup.” It’s quite the balance of ensembles.
7. Given the personnel at this particular Forever 21 location (read: Broomhilda in a mini skirt) we did not have any luck finding what we needed. Against our better judgment we ventured out into other stores of the mall. Looking for plastic stripper heals? I know a place. Interested in dressing like one of those plastic “homies” out of the quarter machine? I’ve got your ticket. Unfortunately, these stores didn’t quite add up to what LL was looking for.
8. As a last ditch effort we went into Express and low and behold it was like the heavens opened up in the form of sales racks! LL and I each found stripy cardigans on sale with an additional 40% off the already marked down price! If you know anything about me and my spending patterns you’ll know that the above mentioned cardigan is now very much a part of my life. I don’t pass up sales.
9. Cardi’s in hand we made one last trip through 21 on our way out to make sure we didn’t miss anything whilst being distracted by the less than desirable employees. We found nothing but our butts walking out the doors to the car.
10. By now it was long past dinner and we were starving so we headed over to Buffalo Wild Wings for some take out. This is where the 19 year old kid working took LL’s jokes as flirting and quickly decided she was his best bet meanwhile treating me like dog shit. We ordered the SAME thing – upon picking her dipping sauce the kid said “oh good choice that’s so delicious.” When I picked mine he said “fine be that way”. Her total was $8. He tried to charge me $17. WTF kid, I’ll snap you like a twig!
11. On the drive home we were discussing my recent trip to Grandma’s house and I came up with an ingenious new phrase! You may have realized instead of just saying “shit” (ie – I feel like shit, that looks like shit, it smells like shit) I like to get a little more specific and have been saying “dog shit” instead (ie – I feel like dog shit, that looks like dog shit, it smells like dog shit). I think it adds a little something extra. Evidently the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree, this weekend instead of saying “son of a bitch” my grandma said “shit of a bitch” which also adds a little pizzazz to a otherwise ordinary curse word. I started relaying this story and then screamed when I realized “shit of a bitch” MEANS DOG SHIT! OMG . . .NOW INSTEAD OF SAYING DOG SHIT I’M GOING TO SAY SHIT OF A BITCH (IE – I FEEL LIKE SHIT OF A BITCH, THAT LOOKS LIKE SHIT OF A BITCH, IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT OF A BITCH) THIS IS AWESOME! I might have yelled or squealed when I came up with this and LL might have peed her pants because she got scared. It doesn’t surprise me. We don’t call her LLWeeWee for nothing.
12. We got home, ate dinner, drank sangria, watch reality TV, and then busted out the JLo remix CD. Don’t judge you know you want to hear it now. LL danced, I unsuccessfully tried to twitpic it, we talked about our love for Ja Rule, and all in all it was a good night! Thanks LL, let’s find time to do it again soon.
*I enjoy kids I know but the ones I’m referring to here are a rare breed of Bebe’s kids which always ruin my day.