Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Open Mouth, Insert Foot.

If you’re anything like me you often find you have a case of verbal (or textual) diarrhea and you rarely think before you start blurting things out. No worries kids, I’m here to help. . . next time you find yourself in one of these common situations here is a list of what NOT to say . . . I’ll let you guess which lessons I learned firsthand and which gems are from others:

Sitch: Making out with your boyfriend . . .
What NOT to say: Your Moo-Staush is going in my nose a little.

Sitch: Your boss asks you for gum . . .
What NOT to say: I have MINTADOODLE!

Sitch: Trying to dance with someone . . .
What NOT to say: Don’t worry I’m sweaty everywhere except my butt.

Sitch: Expressing your opinion on a family member’s significant other. . .
What NOT to say: I effing hate that bitch. She’s never going to fit in!

Sitch: Trying to keep that time that one girl made out with that cowboy on the DL . . .
What NOT to say: YEEEEHHHHAAAWW [whilst pointing]

Sitch: Asking your brother where his girlfriend is when she’s in ear shot . . .
What NOT to say: Is she done taking a duce yet?

If you’d like help remembering these handy tips, I’m taking orders for wallet cards now. Only $2.46 a piece, plus tax.

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