Monday, March 23, 2009

Wake up, wake up, wake up, it’s the 23rd of the month.

If you read that blog title in the tune of THIS song, then add that to the list of why we’re friends. Please also make sure to give yourself a ghetto round of applause (which I assume includes some sort of gin and juice. Ask HER, she’ll know). There was no rhyme or reason for this blog title other than somehow Bone Thugs got stuck in my head even though I didn’t hear it playing anywhere – I can’t decide if that means I’m having a good day or this is going to be a shit show. Moving on to the actual reason for this post. . .

Things I’m currently enjoying / addicted to:

1. The word Doodle. I’m over using it and after saying it for the 314th time this weekend, I fear that I’m killing it. Shoot, I hate when I do that.
2. String Cheese. Enough said.
3. The new Lilly Allen CD. She says fuck a lot in her songs, especially THIS one. Song about God? Check. Song about sex? Check. Song about daddy issues? Check. Song about relationships? Check and check.
4. Bliss Body Butter it’s expensive, but Sephora likes to email me about sales. Good looking out, Sephora.
5. Simply Orange - Orange Juice (sans pulp, not that bullshit I bought on accident that’s thick and stringy. Bleck.)
6. My new Lia Sophia earrings, I’ve convinced myself they go with everything, and I’m pretty sure I’m right. They can be seen HERE as item ‘B’
7. The BBC show “How Not to Decorate”. . . The BF found it randomly and now LL and I record it every week. Thank God for the DVR because the show airs around 7am on Saturday mornings and I’m against being awake that early.
8. The dinner that gets made at TMH* at least once a week. The menu consists of ground turkey with our not-so-secret spices (read: pepper, garlic salt, Italian seasoning mix), Uncle Ben’s brown rice, and a big helping of asparagus. Delish!

*TMH is my current residence – it stands for Tomfoolery Manor of Hotness. It would be more appropriate if it stood for AreYouKiddingMeWithThisShit but there’s no sense changing it now.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Pre-NYC Wish List

The BF and I are heading to NYC for 5 days in May. I’ve been organizing list upon list of what to see and do, but now I can’t stop thinking about what to take with me. Here’s a list of the things I want (read: need) before our trip:

1. Aviators
I already knew I wanted some but then I saw Bethenny and the Countess on Real Housewives of NYC wearing them (don’t judge my TV habits) and that really drove the point home that they need to be a part of my life. The aviators below are my dream purchase, mine will likely come from Forever21.

2. Pumas
Since a good amount of walking will be done I think these are a practical addition to my suitcase. Plus I’ve needed new kicks for a while now.3. V-Neck T-Shirts
I have to admit, LL turned me on to this trend. Hanes looks mighty fancy when you add cute necklaces. Plus they’re cheap, comfy, versatile, and make your boobs look good. Thanks LL!

4. Messenger Purse
Before you say “ew” when reading “messenger purse” check this one out:


Chloe, I love you, your bags are brilliant. It’s a shame this one costs $1246. I could buy it. . . but then I’d have no money for NYC, so I guess that defeats the purpose. Alas, I think Amalita, who is already part of my Coach collection will be coming with me. She isn’t a messenger purse, but she is an international party girl with roots in NYC, so that’s just as good: 5. Sundresses
I feel like this is an obvious necessity, May weather is going to be in the 70’s. . . that’s 20 degrees cooler than AZ was today. Damn you, Sonora Desert.

6. New Sandals
I already bought one pair, but clearly need more. The BF is already concerned I’m going to pack so many shoes that some will creep into his bag when he’s not looking. Puh-leese, I bringing the big daddy suitcase which will provide enough room for some of the additions below, which are all available at Target.

7. Summer Scarves
I’m ready to jump on the summer scarf bandwagon! I can only hope I’ll look as good as this lady:

8. Umbrella
The bad news: the 70 degree weather also has chances of rain. The good news: these umbrellas are wicked cute, and I can sing Ella-Ella-Ella-E-E-E!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I enjoy the way you see it, Anne.

Dear StarbucksCupTheWayISeeIt#76,

You had the following tid bit printed on my cup this morning:

“The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.”
--Anne Morriss, Starbucks Customer from NYC


Good one, you made me use my noodle before 9am. I regret using a disposable cup instead of an environmentally friendly reusable mug a little less now.

Love,
EnlightenedWithMyLatte

PS – Evidently I’m not the only fan of good ‘ole #76, Google Images likes it too.


Monday, March 16, 2009

You tricky little. . .

Dear LittleGirlWhoMadeMeLookLikeAJackAss,

I liked that polk-a-dot hat you wore to mass on Sunday, it went especially well with your sandals that had cute rhinestones on them. Do you know if they’re available in adult sizes? I must say, whilst your ensemble was quite enjoyable your attitude and actions left a bit to be desired.

You seem to be incapable of sitting still or looking forward. You insisted on whining about nothing for a good 14 minutes while your mom ignored you. This sucked. It made me want to punch the pew in hopes this would scare you into not moving or making noise. The picture you colored that kept you busy for only 18 seconds wasn’t even worthy of hanging on a fridge. Not even a dirty abandoned fridge people keep outside. That’s right I said it . . . and I’d say it again. Normally I would give you kudos for the attempt, but you were acting like a shit, so I’m not even going to sugar coat those lame pencil scribbles.

For a moment you had me tricked into thinking maybe you weren’t the devil-who-took-little-girl-form-and-came-to-mass-to-distract-me-from-the-good-Word. You smiled and I smiled back. You winked, so I winked. I had you all wrong, you’re not a pain in the ass, you’re just a kid trying to get through a long ass morning at church. I feel for you little girl, I used to be you! I would get bribed with the promise of popsicles if I just sat still long enough without ripping a hole through my itchy tights. I remembered if I made it to the “peace be with you” I was home free, because this was the last stretch before we could leave. Mmmm, popsicle time!

BUT I WAS WRONG. You smiled again and again I reciprocated. Then you made a weird scrunchy face so I did the same. I saw you point at me and say to your mom that you love me. Holy crap, that’s serious. Then you turned back around and stuck your tongue out at me something fierce. WTF kid? I thought we were friends! I’m not going to stand by and do nothing, so I stuck my tongue out right back at you like any other grown woman would do.

Wouldn’t you know that it was that exact moment your mom finally decided to pay attention to you and turn to see who you pointed at moments earlier. Of course she turned only to see me standing there tongue out giving her daughter a stare down. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Now I’m an asshole. I see the snicker on your face, you know what you’ve done.

Way to teach me a lesson, perhaps I should act my age. This has further solidified my opinion of only being fond of kids I know, all you other brats can suck it.

Love,
IHopeItsOkayToTellAKidToSuckIt

Cinematic Features

I’d like to partake in:

1. Happy Go Lucky [DVD currently in my possession]
2. Sunshine Cleaning [not yet released]
3. Doubt [All it’s cracked up to be?]
4. Confessions of a Shopaholic [my money is on “not as good as the book”]

Not my cup of tea:

1. Two Lovers [Jo-Quin’s current shenanigans are more entertaining than this movie]
2. Watchmen [too much blue wang, although as mentioned here, Patrick Wilson = eye candy]

Seal of approval:

1. He’s Just Not That Into You [enjoyable and Ginnifer Goodwin is adorable]
2. Vicki Christina Barcelona [how have you not seen this yet?! SO GOOD.]

That is all:

1. Thank you.
2. Comments welcomed.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

5 Years

Dear TheFirstOnesToReachFiveYears,

Since I didn’t get to officially give my toast I wanted to repost it for you in honor of your actual anniversary date:

It’s hard to believe it’s already been 5 years since N and A got married. Especially for those of us who have been there since the VERY beginning . . . and for that I’d like to say YOU ARE WELCOME!

I got drunk, I am loud, and I yelled at A “N likes you” and you know what? YOU ARE WELCOME – because let’s face it, the rest is pretty much history! . . . Ok fine, as much as I’d like to, I can’t take credit for the last 5 years.

N and A make such an amazing couple because they work hard at it each and every day. Because they got married when they were ready to and not because they felt they had to. Because they make each other laugh and smile and are best friends who make sure they still have fun together. Because they have such a strong sense of family thanks to their own families and those two GORGEOUS boys. Because A is one of the only people who is successful at putting N in her place and he’s never stopped being her “hunny”. Because they make sure to TALK to each other about anything and everything. Because N picks A up when he is down and he loves her for her booty and letting him hit it!

I’m certain there are many more “because” things I could list that none of us would hesitate to agree with. Including how lucky WE all are to have the two of you as such incredible friends in our lives.

When Mark Wahlberg decides to pull his head out of his ass and marry me instead of that model chick, I can only hope I’m as happy as you two! Lets raise our glasses to N and A’s first 5 years and all those still ahead. . . I love you both with all my heart!

Love,
YourBFFSinceThirdGrade

Friday, March 13, 2009

Move it or Lose it

Dear SlowerThanMolassesInWinter,

Why do you drive only 1.8 miles per hour through the parking garage when you can see I’m behind you and late to lunch? I don’t think it should take someone a full minute to read and comprehend the words and arrow direction on the exit sign. Yes I was riding your ass, and yes that’s what she said, but you can’t claim spite. I was only riding your ass after I realized you were moving at a snail’s pace. You were going slower than the suggested parking garage speed limit of “get the eff out of my way!”

Please don’t let it happen again or I will be forced to flip you off out my window.*

Love,
PatienceIsn’tOneOfMyVirtues

*By “out my window” I mean “down by the steering wheel where you can’t see it because for all I know you carry a gun”

Way better than the cherry on top.

Dear AnotherReasonYouRock,

Thank you for giving me the “whooped” cream from your coffee today. You’re the bomb diggity.

Love,
GladToBeYourGF

Thursday, March 12, 2009

In the heezy!

Dear Whoever is Reading This*,
Hold on to your butts. . . there’s a new blog up in this bitch!

I deciding sharing conversations just wasn’t adequate. I wanted something more, I NEEDED something more. How the hell was I suppose to rant or rave or share or list all the stuff I love and hate if it didn’t wind up in a funny conversation?! It’s true, DOH was limiting my ability to be narcissistic and give my options and feelings on pretty much everything!

Please know that I assume and abide by the following:

1. I understand that no one is more interested in reading anything posted here than I am and I’m fine with it. Let’s call it free therapy since I spent all my money on ribbon and peach goodness.
2. I think the people in my life and I are hilarious. Sometimes I’m right and sometimes I’m wrong. Mostly though I’m right and my witty and clever counter parts would agree.
3. I am both aware and at terms with my faults [loud, snotty, judgmental] and I’m not even sorry. But I promise I’m not trying to intentionally hurt any feelings, at least not if I know you. If you’re a stranger though, all bets are off.
4. I love lists and even numbers, this will become extremely apparent if you bookmark this page, which duh, you should. No odd numbers allowed in the house of Letters and Lists!
5. I am not going to make any false promises about blogging on the regular BUT I do promise to blog when I feel like it. YOU ARE WELCOME.
6. I love starting sentences with “I”
7. YES I did steal this blogging concept of letters from other blogs I’ve read. I thought it was very clever and you know what they say, “imitation is the sincerest form of . . . ” actually I prefer “she stole, she STOLE!”
8. I hope you enjoy!

Love,
Your Blogging Pal NE

*who am I kidding, I know exactly who will be reading this, and I love you guys!